I went to church today, and I get sooooo nervous when it's A Fast and Testimony Meeting. For me? I get so nervous that I almost feel like I want to throw up. Well I didn't get up today and share my testimony. I love being a member of this church. And I love to talk. But I just have a really really hard time when it comes to Testimony Meetings. I would like to share my testimony. Because even though I didn't get up and share it, I still like to share it with others. When I share my testimony it helps me to get stronger and it may help and strengthen other people. "I have had a really really hard past few months. I know it's because Satan wants to work on me so hard and that I let him into my life. I know that the things I need to do are reading my Scriptures, praying, and all the Primary answers, of even going to church. I can say that thus far lately, that all I have been doing is the last one. I have been going to church. I usually find excuses for the other things that I know that I need to be doing. Well just recently it got to the point that I was hating being a live. I was seriously saying one day, Heavenly Father, I am done with this life. I want to take my own life, even though I know that I would be missing people here, but I was so depressed that I was thinking there is no point for me to be here. Plus I was in pain, tons of different kinds of pain. I was feeling actual pain, because I have a ruptured disc in my back and because, I was just feeling pain all over really. But one night recently. I was up the majority of the night and I was just bawling my eyes out, and saying I am done. I am so done with this life. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. And I am going to have to say that it's going to take some time for me to do those tiny baby steps to get back to doing the right things. I know that I need to read my scriptures. I know that I need to pray to my Father in Heaven more often. I just end up finding other things that end up fulfilling my time. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father is watching out for me. Because I make huge mistakes a lot of times. I am not the most intelligent person. And I know that he has angels watching over me. Because I wouldn't be a live today with out those angels. The other night when I was in so much pain. I said Heavenly Father, I am done. I am so done and cried. And I felt the presence of a few different family members with me. And you know, things aren't like one hundred percent better for me. But he helped me to take one day at a time. I know that this church is true. I am thankful for his help and I am thankful for the Scriptures. I just need to develop a love for them. I know that he lives. And I am thankful for our Brother and Savior and for his Atonement. And for the fact that I have to use that in my life. And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Well today I have to say that I have been definitely spiritually fed. This morning as I blogged about in my first blog I was able to listen to the Prophet of our Church and many other great ppl speak. I had to go to my sister Wendy's House today and give Krisha her Cd's with pictures. My sister Wendy asked me if I wanted to go to her church. She attends off and on the Calvary church here in Idaho Falls. She said that they had a guy that does this sermon Potter's Field. And that he does pottery and molds and shapes it while his wife sings. This sermon was one of the most amazing sermons I have been too. He talked about how when he was growing up that he didn't even believe in Jesus. Because there was no one in his life that had ever talked about him. And that he didn't really even know anything about Jesus and so he never really discussed him or Heavenly Father. Then one day he got into a Discussion about Jesus with someone. He said that at the age of 30 was when he had had his first discussion about Jesus. And this guy was talking about Jesus. And he went home and for a few days All he thought about was this discussion about Jesus with this guy. Then he met his wife. Then he forgot all about Jesus and that guy. They dated for three weeks and then they went to Vegas and got married. He said that she grew up being in her church for years. Then she went to school and then she just gradually quit going to her church and stopped thinking about Jesus. But then she married him. The way he put it was hilarious. Because he said that she married him and talked about how the next day she went to church because basically she was joking around that she married the son of the Devil. Because he didn't believe in Jesus. Or didn't even know him. Something like that. Well she went to church and he said he would start going with her. They had a pastor that became very close to them. And in their lives they went through lot of ups and downs. At one point and time he was a huge wealthy man working on Wall Street, living in a huge home with their beautiful car and they had Armani suits. Then one day he quit his job because a friend was like if you could quit your job could you make a living doing something else? This man was like Yes. I could. Well he ended up quitting this job. They moved from their big beautiful home into an apartment. The point with the sculpting of the class was beautiful While he sculpted the clay his wife had sung many songs that she had written over the years about Sculpting our lives. At one point and time he had sculpted and he was talking about how we are like the clay and that he dug his hand all the way to the bottom and took out all the crap in the middle. He said that it's just like in our own Lives that Heavenly Father sculpts us and that he takes out what's in the middle and he sculpts us, and he takes out what is bad or not needed. Then he made this beautiful vase. Big Beautiful vase on his Pottery wheel. He then Chopped it, and the whole congregation gasps because it was a beautiful vase. He talked about how our lives don't always mold out beautifully and that we may think that we look beautiful and a certain way. But then we end up going a different direction. He talked about how that beautiful vase was actually a beautiful bowl. And he sculpted a beautiful bowl and he colored it red. I was amazed. And It was a beautiful Sermon that I attended. I am glad that I was fed spiritually at another church again. I had a good time with my sister. I had a good talk with her tonight as well. I am so grateful for Heavenly Father and his love for all of us. I do belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But I am grateful for ppl of different faiths, and that I can be spiritually fed different places. I felt at peace when I was at Calvary. Not all churches believe the same thing. But it's okay we don't have to always agree about everything. To all get a long.

Today while I am watching Saturday's sessions in Conference... For those that don't know what our General Conference is. It is where the Prophet of our church Speaks and other members in different quorums and the Relief Society where they each pray about what we need to hear. They divulge new items of business in our church at times. While I have been sitting in and listening to Conference. I had a thought that I need to share my testimony and blog about our church. There are many many people out there that do no know who a "Mormon is". Mormon is just a term for members of our wonderful church and congregation. We aren't really technically "Mormons." We are members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Some ppl say that we are a cult. We are not a cult. Unless you say that pretty much every religon, whether they believe in Christ or not is technically a "Cult." From Dictionary.com, at Cult is defined as: Cult    [kuhlt] Show IPA noun 1. a particular system of religious worship, especially with reference to its rites and ceremonies. 2. an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, especially as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult. 3. the object of such devotion. 4. a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc. 5. Sociology . a group having a sacred ideology and a set of rites centering around their sacred symbols. This to me means that pretty much any one that has any type of religious gathering could be considered a cult. They could be gathered to have the same beliefs. They could be gathered to learn from one another. I get tired of ppl always saying that we are a cult. But you know what? I will not let that get me mad. At the top of this page I put that I am A Mormon. I am not Perfect. I am definitely not perfect in anyway possible. I am not always nice. I have a temper at times. I don't always have a tact for holding things back when I feel like something has to be said. One thing that I am grateful for is the fact and the knowledge that we have that we have the Savior there for us. And that we can pray to our Heavenly Father. I like making new friends. You don't always have to be of the same faith as me. I like to talk to other ppl about their religion as well. My testimony is that I know that the church is true. This is the true church on the earth today. I am so grateful that this church is so huge on how families can be together forever. We have temples where worthy members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints may attend. We do Baptisms for the Dead. And we are sealed together to our husband or wife. One thing that used to be in our church is that yes there was Polygamy. But that was a long long time a go. And Heavenly Father had polygamy at the time because there were a lot of women that didn't have their husband. But their husband went off to war and was killed or they were killed other ways. The women needed to be cared for. Today we do not have an affiliation with any religion that has to do with Polygamy. I am grateful for our Prophet that we have on the earth today. Our prophet today is President Thomas S. Monson. I am grateful for his love for everyone. He loves you all whether you are a member of this church or not. I wish I could love everyone unconditionally. And I will try harder to love my neighbors, co-workers, or some of the participants that I work with. I know that they are children of God. I am going to start putting on here more about my scripture studies. And my feelings. I hope that the thoughts I share will be able to touch the lives of others. If you are not a member of the church, I would love to hear from you what you know about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If any of you have questions you can always go to Lds.org.

Made it through my day!

I had such a crazy day today. I don't think that I have had another day like it. This morning I went to the hospital. I went to admitting to check in, and asked her that since I didn't have insurance how much is my Cortisone shot going to cost me. She looked it up and I almost passed out. All I can say is that to pay for it, will take me at least a year. She asked me if I was okay and I let her know that I wasn't sure if I should get the shot because that's a lot of money. I am sure I went white, because she kept asking me if I was okay. But then I said out loud I have to get this shot I am in so much pain that I can't even sleep. And I should have asked her if there was any way that I could talk to someone in billing and have them help me with this payment. I think I will go talk to them tomorrow. Then I went to work at Riverside Service Group after I had the shot. I worked with my Morning Client and then went to the Center and worked with several other clients. It was so crazy when I was gathering up a group, because the clients were literally begging me to be in groups. I have never ever had that happen to me. So I had this huge group, because no one else was doing groups. Then in the afternoon I took care of my client that is a child. He's about 12 and always full of energy. I hope that my back will feel lots better in a few days because he loves playing his version of kick ball. LOL. So then it was interesting because we have a new guy Employee that is working with a client one on one M-Thurs. He just started Tuesday. And I have only said Hi to him a few times. He came in and Said, "Kelly I hear you are up North." I said Yes I am, I live in Sugar City. Then he states, "Hey I live in Rexburg, do you think that we could carpool?" Ha ha I was like Yes, that would be totally awesome. That would save us both on gas. And so we talked about what days we could carpool. I let him know that on Mon, Tues, & Thurs I am there until 5 p.m. and let him know that Wednesday would probably be the only day that we would really be able to carpool unless he wanted to stay at the center until 5 p.m. and leave later. He's usually there til about 3:45 or 4 p.m. Yeah He's kinda cute. From what I have seen of him thus far, not so talkative, but then again, he did come to me and talk to me, so Hey that was way cool. Um then after work in the after / evening. I went to Community Care. Found out that I have a Viral infection, went to Walgreens and got my medications. Went to work at the Elementary School in Rexburg. Then came home. Holy Smoly did that day really just occur? This has been a mega long day. So I must bid you all Adieu. Night.

New Year!!!!

It's a New Year. The other evening I decided that I needed to make some New Year Goals. These are in no particular order of importance. I feel that they are all important.
Goals 2012:
1. Get out of Debt.
2. Read the Scriptures.
3. Pray.
4. Move into house or apartment.
5. Find a guy this year.
6. Be nicer to my family and friends.
7. Clean my room on a daily basis (at least one area at a time.)
8. Groom my cat more so he doesn't shed so much.
9. Lose Weight.
10. Treat my parents more kindly and help them around the house more often.
11. Pay Tithing.
12. Go to the temple at least once a month if not more.
13. Travel to the Oregon Coast this year.
14. Look up colleges for Humanities and look into teaching.
15. Take pictures of family and friends for fun.

I am hoping that I can accomplish a lot of my goals for this year. If you all have made some goals I would love to learn more about them.
I can't believe that it's another New Year. I hope that this year will bring a lot more thrills and more happiness. I graduated from BYU-I last year and have two jobs. But hopefully this year will bring more fun times for me. I hope that I can travel more and able to do a lot of things that will be fun and exciting. Here's to a New Year...Can't believe that it is already 2012. Gah.